An anonymous friend of mine, on the subject of Nancy Cartwright, a.k.a. the voice of Bart Simpson:

I’ve known Nancy for years. We’ve worked together on many shows. And between you and me, she annoys the hell out of me.

I admit, getting a stamp would be a cool thing, but fuck off. I don’t need an email for everything she does, I don’t want to be robocalled in Bart’s voice to attend Scientology fundraisers and I most certanly DO NOT WANT copies of the newsletters with Nancy-themed crossword puzzles and cute cartoon drawings of her (THE NANCY NEWS so help me God).

I’ve tried. I really have.

I’ve ignored the yellow SUV with the giant Bart head airbrushed on it and the IMBART vanity plate.

I’ve overlooked the yellow house with the fiberglass cow on the roof and the “Welcome to Springfield” sign out front.

But even if you can pretend that’s normal, you still have to get past the fact that she donated TEN MILLION DOLLARS to Scientology last year.

(Travolta gave one million and Tom Cruise gave five, so clearly, she’ll be sitting closer to L. Ron when the mothership docks at the Celebrity Center.)

Thank you for your time.